Recently, I finished reading ‘The Art of Action’ by Stephen Bungay. In it, he writes this:
“Morale drops if an organization wastes people’s time. They get resentful because time is all any of us has got.”
Damn it, he’s right. And it explains some feelings I’ve been experiencing in the last couple of years which have become stronger and stronger. It is that gut-wrenching feeling that time is running out. The feeling of urgency that I still have so much shit to do and less and less time to do it in.
Mind you, at 43 years of age I’m not old. (Any teenager will probably beg to differ — they’ll find out in due time.) Statistically speaking, I’m only just “halfway through”. But somehow, a certain restlessness has manifested in me and it’s saying ‘get on with it’.
My tolerance for corporate bullshit has come to an all-time low. The meetings, the mission statements, the politics, KPI’s and targets… For many years I accepted it as something that’s simply part of it. However, it isn’t. It’s part of a mindset devoid of humanity that does not belong in the 21st century, and we should strive to get rid of it.
Perhaps somewhat paradoxically, my tolerance for my own silliness has increased significantly. I’ve never really taken myself too seriously, and I certainly don’t do that anymore. I allow myself to be frivolous. I actually feel courageous in doing so. It helps me to interact more freely with other people, less self-conscious and more open-minded.
I’m not just an older version of myself. I have changed, and thankfully for the better. I have grown. If only I’d known 20 years ago what I know now. If only I had the courage then that I have now. My life would have looked a lot different, I imagine. Still, I don’t look back with many regrets because I’m very happy with the life I lead. Yes, there are certainly things I would have done differently, but overall it is what it is. It’s impossible to change that anyway, so worrying about that is ‘as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum’ (Baz Luhrman — ‘Sunscreen’).
I’m determined to make the most of the time I’ve got (left), even though I don’t really know how. I do know it will involve more awesome people, more of my silliness, and less corporate bullshit.